This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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