its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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