I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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