I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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