It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
