You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
