i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
