I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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