the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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