FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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