i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
