The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
