Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
