take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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