if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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