theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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