yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
