he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
