i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Be still, my beating vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
