I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
