that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
PANTIES FOUND
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
