I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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