cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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