so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
