I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
