Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
