I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
