bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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