I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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