Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
