Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
