kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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