woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
