Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
