Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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