I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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