the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
