No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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