it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
