If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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