Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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