my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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