Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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