so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
