so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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