Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
