...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
