as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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