We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
