Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
