Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
