id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
