I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
