I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
