I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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