I don't usually arrange sex via text message
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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