Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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