So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
